Actually, I just like to pretend that I'm healthy and that I really don't live with a chronic illness. But all it takes is a couple weeks of spinning my wheels in 14 different directions without a whole lot of rest for reality to smack me in the face.
Case in point: Now.
Between my trip to NY for the bike ride, and an intense week in D.C. where we were going from 8am to midnight nearly everyday (that doesn't account for social time, by the way), my birthday, and all the hustle and bustle that happens in between them, I've once again run myself ragged.
Logically, I understand that I generally need a solid 8 hours of sleep, and when it's particularly hot and humid, I need to stay low and drink plenty of fluids, and that too many days and nights without sleep and rest can only lead to one thing - crash and burn.
I've spoken before of the drive within me. It's a passionate, intense drive that I battle with day after day. In the fight of body vs. mind, the mind usually wins. As a result, my body suffers, and there's usually a day or two where I'm good for nothing more than lots of sleep and resting. This would be one of those days.
I realize that everyday I'm here is an added bonus, and that I should be taking care of myself. I may be pushing 30, but my body often feels twice that.
I also realize that everyday I'm here is an added bonus, and one more opportunity to do something worthwhile that needs to be done, to make an impact, to influence change. What's a little ache and pain when the results benefit many?
Somewhere, there's a balance between the two. Each day, I get a little better about dancing around it a little closer, and the periods of crash and burn lie farther and farther apart.
I measure my life not by ordinary standards, but by the change that I affect. I honestly account that for the sole reason I'm still alive when by all other standards, I should have been dead years ago.
So if one day my body wins over my mind, which at this rate it is sure to do, and that passionate drive within me is extinguished, does that mean my job is done?
It's a scary thought, one that my youth isn't quite prepared to deal with. So for now, I'll just go on pretending I'm superhuman, that is, until the next time I crash and burn.
Many thanks to an extraordinary blogger/photojournalist and good friend, Wizardkitten, for this photo.
5 comments:
Get some rest and take care of yourself.
One thing about this fight- it. never. ends. It has been going on in this country for well over 200 years, it will go on long after we are gone. So, take some time to rejuvenate.
It will all be waiting for you when you get back-
Those are Jake's footprints, aren't they? Hmmm. I thought so.
Please, please take care of yourself. Let us know what we can do. We need all the superpeople we can get.
Take some grandmotherly advice and slow down a bit. God created a day of rest for a reason - we're not superhuman and we need to recharge from time to time.
You put in to words exactly how I've been feeling lately too. It's hard when you have so many ambitions to take time out to care for you and frustrating to have to slow down when you have so many things to go for. Hang in there!!
I have come to the conclusion that it's best to do what I can, and not push myself. I could work 18 hour days, have a terrible diet, and feel like I'm doing a lot of good things. But I'd probably be dead by the time I'm 35 (a mere 7 years) if I did that.
If I slow down and take care of myself, I might make it to 65. Even at a slower pace, I'll still be able to do more in 37 years than 7 years. The turtal always beats the rabbit in the end...hope you feel better.
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